“It Don’t Matter If You’re Sunni Or Shiite! Hee-Hee!”

Michael Jackson, forever wary of Jewish influence, has converted to Islam, where his new name is Mikaeel.  The Buddhists and the Hindus were the early-line favorites for the former black man turned Asian woman, but the allure of Islam simply beat it them.  Mikaeel is most excited for Islam’s highly acclaimed polygamy and famously low age of consent. He is also said to be fond of Islam’s ban on accrued interest, given his current ‘perma-IOU-status,’ and the reported absense of homosexuality in all Muslim lands.

But They Said This Wouldn’t Happen After Nov. 4th!

Millions of Obama voters are excited because they, “won’t have to work on puttin’ gas in they car.  They won’t have to work at payin’ they mortgage. You know, if they help him (Obama), he’s gonna help them.”

Pagani Zonda driving Wyclef Jean supported Obama, so we’re quite confused how the decade-long hip hop superstar is getting his Miami home foreclosed on.

Seriously.  How does this happen?

Obama is President Elect!  And, Fannie and Freddie just violated every liberal’s favorite non-constitutional, “separation of church and state,” by placing a moratorium on foreclosure proceedings until the Holidays are over.

Former Fugee and current lunatic, Lauryn Hill warned Wyclef about his money and karma in general after their famous break-up, but we’re convinced Lauryn Hill is trying to make Barack Obama look bad.